Letting Go into the New Year

Letting go. Like most people, as the year comes to a close, I inevitably start to review the past year, as well as previous years, and begin my descent into a world of analyzing, criticizing, romanticizing, and glorifying the past. How enticing it is to get sucked down memory lane. What did I do right, what went wrong, what could I have done differently, what was fantastic, what do I want to relive? I find that there are moments where I get so caught up in the memories that I completely lose sight of my present life. The past is a tool for helping us in current and future actions, for history certainly has a way of repeating itself if we do not remember it well and know the signs of it repeating. But after the analyzing is done, what about the rest of it? What about the emotions that are stuck there? How does one move forward with one foot solidly in the past and one trying to get ahead?

Letting go. Have you ever been with someone who you’ve known for a long time who seems to always bring up the past, or things you once did together (more than just the fun “remember the good old days” kind of way)? Or have you ever been with someone who, again, you’ve known for quite some time, who treats you like a former version of yourself, yet that version of you is not the person in front of them? When people are unaware of being stuck in the past, it creates an imbalance, an illusion in front of them where what they are seeing is not actually happening. The filter through which they see the world is falty and tainted with hues of the past. No one can do or say anything that doesn’t get past that filter of theirs. And yes, I am certainly guilty of that. I think we all are to an extent. Like I said earlier, this time each year, my subconscious begins to regurgitate memories good and bad, stirring up emotions within me. Some feel better than others. Some memories show me patterns in my behavior, some show me how I’ve grown, some show me who I wish to become, and how I might want to work on myself. So what do we do to finally let go?

The boiled down version: forgive and move on. That’s what I’ve come up with. Forgive myself, forgive others, let go, leave it in the past. My journey to getting there? Not as boiled down and simple as that. Some need therapy to talk out those emotions trapped in the past, some need hypnotherapy, reiki, shamanic healing, touch therapy, body work, writing it out, screaming it out. There are times when I receive reiki where I feel this bubbling up of anger, pain, sadness, and flashes of memories come up, and I forget that reiki has a way of pulling emotions up to the surface. I want to open my eyes and I just can’t take it any more. But then I remember, this is healing. What I am facing, what I need to remind myself to breath through, that is how healing happens. Keeping my eyes shut, watching, listening, breathing, allowing, giving it time to work itself out. I remind myself that there is more beyond these emotions, that every story has multiple perspectives and multiple ways of dealing with these emotions. Yes, some more painful than others, but they don’t always have to hurt. I can rewrite my story and become empowered. I can eventually bear witness to these memories without the anger that once shrouded over them.

But there comes a time in the letting go where you must commit to doing differently in the future and truly let the past be the past. No more lingering. Cutting yourself off from the chewing over those past emotions and look at the future with hope and enthusiasm. Finding the joy in right now, finding the hope for what’s to come, and telling yourself, you are no longer that version of you. Remind yourself that you did what you did in the past with all of the knowledge you had back then, that whoever hurt you was themselves hurting, and whatever pain you endured was and is an opportunity for gentleness and compassion for yourself. The hurt may stay there forever, some hurts are simply meant to, but it can be wrapped in a blanket of love and tenderness, as opposed to blindly leading the way into more hurt and sadness.

So, my little tradition with myself, New Year’s Eve, I create a list of what I’m saying goodbye to. I close my eyes and energetically transfer it all to that paper containing my list of goodbyes, and then burn it, safely of course. Then, I surround myself with light and create my list of what I am becoming, who I am becoming, what this new version of me looks like, how I am in the world, how I conduct myself, and what emotions are dominant. I hold it with love and trust, knowing that it is already done because I will it to be. How else am I to build trust in myself? Cheers to a new year my friends, I can’t wait to see who you become when you are shining brighter than the sun.